Wait, I'm 18?!

The title of this post pretty much says it all. Did I really turn 18 years old yesterday?! 


Yes. I do still have my Scooby Doo comforter under my real comforter on my bed.  


Yesterday was a huge milestone for me. It was my 18th birthday. I'm officially an adult. It still hasn't really hit me that I am 18 now. But really, what does being 18 truly mean? By society's definition, it means that you are now a legal adult and can vote. By my definition however...it means so much more, and yesterday I proved not only to others, but myself of what being 18 meant to me.

My day was filled with lots of new emotions and experiences. I started off my day crossing off something on my bucket list I thought I would NEVER do. 

I got inked. TIMES 2 !

Yeaaaaaaah that's right, I just took my badass-ness to a whole other level. Be afraid.  


Walking into the parlor, I was all like, "You got dis. You've been through way worse. Hell, if you can have a feeding tube jammed up your nose 6 times, you can handle this".


And then, I sat in the chair. 

Yeah. The tables have turned for Miss Lauryn. 

I had a grip on my mom's hand so tight that she probably thought she was getting her hand amputated. 

Tears were shed, but they were few and far in between, because hey, I am a... 


This was one of the two tattoos I  had done. 


And lemme tell ya'...the second one was a walk in the park compared to the first one. 


There's a little more meat on my neck than my forearm! 

After everything was said and done, I was one happy camper. No pain, no gain right?! I am incredibly proud of them, and am very impressed with how they turned out. 

All that tattooing and "adulting"  worked up an appetite, and that problem was shortly resolved after a night out at The Depot restaurant.


The famous hot pretzel. Good Lord. This is every carb lover's dream. 


I would rather have this veggie burger than a regular hamburger any day. (Sorry Moo-Moos)

And of course, what is a birthday without cake?! 

Well, I definitely wasn't expecting what came out from that kitchen. The owner (Judy, you're the bomb.com) came towards me with an ear to ear grin, holding this glorious candle lit dessert dish. After she placed it in front of me, I realized what it was. 

Drumroll please. 



An entire dish (personal pan sized) made especially for me. 

The entire dining room sang happy birthday as my cheeks turned red. I blew out my candles, and you know what? I didn't wish for anything. Everything I could've possibly wished for, I had. I was surrounded by the people who truly cared for me. I was spending my special day with the people who made it happen; what more could I possibly wish for?

Naturally, Ed was SCREAMING at me as I dug into this pie.

"You can't eat that!! What are you doing?! All that hard work in the gym, ruined. You already had a good half of that pretzel, the burger, AND fries. Does that pie really taste as good as seeing progress does?"

That's when I decided I was going to finish the whole. damn. thing. 


My mom's eyes lit up as she kissed my cheek, "I am so proud of you". The guilt was starting to set in, but after a pep talk with Mumma, I moved on. I couldn't un-eat that pie, and everything else, and I wouldn't, even if I could. How many times a year do I eat like this? Am I really going to try and count macros on my birthday? Do I honestly want to look back on the day I legally became an adult and kick myself for prioritizing Ed's rules instead of enjoying heavenly food?

Absolutely not. 

I eat so well, I take care of my body, I lift like a boss, and I love like a lady. I deserved that food. Eating that pie was a big kick in the face for Ed, and a fist in the air for me.

And I mean come on. I am the peanut butter queen. Like I always say, peanut butter does make everything peanut better!

So I think it's safe to say, I had a pretty amazing birthday. I am so incredibly blessed to have been able to celebrate like I did. I never thought I'd be writing this to you tattooed, happy, and let alone...alive. When I was so deep into my disorder, I often wondered how I was going to avoid these kind of situations. The truth is, you can't overcome what you don't face. I realize that each time I do something Ed considers "scary", the easier it becomes to do each time. So with that being said, this week, I will face one fear, no matter how big or small. Any kind of victory is a win in my book. 

I want to say thank you to anyone who wished me a happy birthday, helped me celebrate, and continue to support me in my journey. I am eternally grateful for anyone that sticks by my side (I'm a bucket of sass, so I'm actually REALLY grateful for the people who put up with me!).

Here's to many more milestones, tattoos, peanut butter pies, and victories.